Jump to Recipe (You're Welcome)

Oysters Rockefeller

This is another example of a seemingly fancy meal that is incredibly easy to make. "Oysters Rockefeller" sounds like something you'd order at a restaurant with a sommelier and a dress code. It sounds like the kind of dish that requires culinary training and a French accent. It does not. It requires steamed oysters, bread crumbs, parmesan, and five minutes in the oven. That's it. You could make this blindfolded. Please don't, because the oven is involved, but you could.

Use this to impress your spouse on your anniversary. Use it when you want to seem like you put in effort but actually didn't. Use it whenever you want something that looks like it belongs on a white tablecloth but takes less time than ordering delivery. The secret is that "Rockefeller" is just bread crumbs and cheese. Now you know. You're welcome.

Prep: 10 min (including steaming) Cook: 5 min Makes: However many oysters you started with Difficulty: Embarrassingly easy
Oysters Rockefeller on a baking sheet, topped with golden bread crumbs and melted parmesan
Bread crumbs, cheese, and olive oil on oysters. This is what passes for "fancy" around here.

Ingredients

Approximate Amounts Per Oyster

Don't actually measure this. Please. You'll be there all night. But if you need a mental guideline:

More for bigger oysters, less for smaller ones. Wing it. This is not a precision operation.

Instructions

  1. Preheat your oven to 350°F. Do this first so it's ready when you need it.
  2. Steam your oysters. Follow the steamed oysters recipe. Remove them as they open. You know the drill—if they don't open, they go in the trash.
  3. Remove the top shells. Once the oysters are cool enough to handle, pop off the top (flat) shell and discard it. You want just the bottom shell with the oyster meat sitting in it. Try to keep the juices in the shell—that's flavor.
  4. Arrange on a baking sheet. Place the oysters on a baking sheet, shell-side down. They should sit relatively flat. If they're wobbling all over the place, you can crumple up some aluminum foil into little nests to stabilize them, but honestly, it probably doesn't matter that much.
  5. Add the toppings in order. This order matters: bread crumbs first, then parmesan, then olive oil. For each oyster, add about a teaspoon of Italian bread crumbs (or just eyeball it—enough to cover the top). Then a pinch of shredded parm. Then drizzle about a teaspoon of olive oil over the top. The oil helps everything crisp up and turn golden.
  6. Don't overthink it. Seriously. If you're standing there with a measuring spoon trying to get exactly one teaspoon of bread crumbs on each oyster, you've missed the point. Just sprinkle, pinch, drizzle, move on. More for big oysters, less for small ones. This should take you like two minutes for a dozen oysters.
  7. Bake for 5 minutes. That's it. Five minutes. You're not cooking the oysters—they're already cooked. You're just melting the parm and crisping up the bread crumbs. When the tops are golden brown and everything looks toasty, they're done.
  8. Serve immediately. Transfer to a plate (carefully—the shells are hot) and serve while they're still warm. Accept compliments. Do not reveal how easy this was. Let them think you slaved away. You've earned the illusion.

Notes

  • On the bread crumbs: Italian seasoned bread crumbs have herbs and garlic already mixed in, which means you don't have to add any extra seasoning. That's the whole point. Panko is fine for some things—this is not one of them. You want the flavor and the finer texture. Trust me.
  • Anniversary tip: Pair these with a nice white wine, some crusty bread, maybe a simple salad. Light some candles. Pretend you planned this weeks ago. Total effort: 20 minutes. Perceived effort: hours. That's the real Rockefeller move.
  • Traditional Rockefeller: The "authentic" version has spinach, butter, and a bunch of other stuff. This is the simplified version that still tastes fancy without requiring you to blanch greens. If someone tells you this isn't "real" Oysters Rockefeller, ask them to leave your dinner party.

Stuff You'll Need

Everything you need for steaming oysters, plus a baking sheet and an oven. Optionally, some aluminum foil for stabilizing wobbly shells. A willingness to accept praise for minimal effort.