Slap Yo Momma Meatloaf

Instructions

1. Preheat your oven to 350-375°F. Somewhere in that range. Meatloaf is forgiving. Pick a number and commit.
2. Start with the beef. Dump all five pounds of ground beef into the largest bowl you own. If you don't have a bowl big enough, use a pot. No judgment. You're about to get your hands dirty anyway.
3. Add the vegetables. Throw in the chopped onion and bell pepper. These add moisture and flavor and little pops of texture. Don't skip them.
4. Add all the sauces. Pour in the A1, the Heinz Carolina Tangy BBQ sauce, the ketchup, and the tomato sauce. Yes, that's a lot of sauces. That's why this meatloaf is moist and flavorful instead of a dry brick of sadness.
5. Mix the eggs and milk. In a separate small bowl (a cereal bowl works), beat the 2 eggs and add the evaporated milk. Stir it together, then pour it into the meat mixture.
6. Get your hands in there. Mix everything with your hands. There's no other way to do this properly. Squish it, squeeze it, fold it over. Get it all combined. Yes, it feels weird. Yes, this is the way.
7. Add the crackers. Crush the saltine crackers and add them to the mixture. The crackers are the binder—they soak up moisture and help everything stick together. Add enough to make the mixture hold its shape. The original says 1½ packages, but use your judgment. If it's too wet, add more crackers.
8. Form two loaves. This recipe makes two large loaves, so you can freeze one for later or feed an army. Mold the meat into loaf shapes in two roasting pans or deep baking dishes. Don't use a flat sheet pan—these loaves release juice while cooking and you don't want a grease flood in your oven.
9. Bake for about 1 hour and 15 minutes. The meatloaf is done when it's cooked through and the internal temperature hits 160°F. It should look done—pulling away from the sides, firm to the touch, not jiggly in the middle.
10. Drain some (but not all) of the juice. Before you glaze, carefully drain off some of the liquid that's accumulated around the loaves. But not too much—if you drain it all, you'll end up with dry meatloaf. Leave a little in there.
11. Make the glaze. While the meatloaf is baking, mix the glaze ingredients together: dark Karo syrup, ketchup, and brown sugar. Stir until combined. You can mix them in equal parts or adjust to taste—a little more brown sugar if you like it sweeter, a little more ketchup if you want more tang.
12. Glaze and finish. Spread the glaze generously over the top of both meatloaves. Return to the oven, uncovered, and bake for another 10 minutes or so. The glaze should get sticky and slightly caramelized. Watch it—you want it set, not burnt.
13. Rest, slice, and serve. Let the meatloaf rest for a few minutes before slicing so it holds together. Slice thick. Serve with mashed potatoes, because obviously.